The Bipolar Bum

Backpacking and Bipolar II. Taking Manic Depression on tour.

#Suicide #Survival

didntwanttodieorlive

It is the nature of the beast that when we become truly overwhelmed by depression, we begin to look for ways of stopping the pain.  We become prepared to take decisive, extreme action.

 

The best way to think of depression is as though it is sentient, and actively trying to subvert your thought patterns to destroy you.  Most things that feel counter-intuitive whilst depressed are usually better courses of action than the one’s that your depression will offer you.  It does not want you to behave in a way that will destroy it.

 

At first, the idea of self-destruction presents itself as one solution among many.  The thought for me is almost casual and I used to just ignore it.  I now take it for the warning shot that it is.  If you’re having suicidal thoughts, take that as your early-warning-system sounding an alarm.  In the grip of depression all the other more rational solutions will be gradually eaten away until you are left with a handful of the most insane courses of action to choose from.  Suicide is likely to be king among them.  You cannot afford to let this go any further.  A minute wasted early on could be (best case) weeks of time spent working at recovery later.

 

Your illness is the outcome of a brain not entirely tuned right.  Though it may FEEL counter intuitive to avoid thoughts of suicide in favour of more sensible behaviour – this is only because your intuition has been coloured by an illness.  Depression is a disease of emotions.  It makes murky the waters we have to navigate every day and, if left to its own devices, promotes wrong thinking at every turn.  When you begin to feel overwhelmed – you are entering the danger zone.  This is when you most need to reach out, ask for help and seek support in whatever form is most useful to you.  You cannot beat this by sitting and thinking about it once depression has gone too far.

 

Once you’re already overwhelmed, you need to take whatever assistance best helps you against the self destructive thoughts you will have.  The urge to be isolated, the notion that depression will ‘never end’ in fact – any thought process that deals in “never”s or “forever”s should be particularly suspect.  Feelings of being a burden or nuisance to family and friends will support the urge to reclusion.

 

People kill themselves not because they want to die.  None of us actually WANT to die.  People kill themselves because, via their illness, they have become suicidal.  They have become fixated on what feels like the last and only option.  They have followed a path of twisted logic that says they cannot be helped, that no one cares, that the world would understand their suicide and probably be glad of it anyway.

 

This is direct-evidence of WRONG THINKING and should be taken as a prompt to seek help.

If you or anyone you know are having suicidal thoughts right now – reach out and seek help.  You need it.  Here is a list of suicide hotlines in case you don’t have anyone nearby:

 

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

 

All the best,

H&J

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32 comments on “#Suicide #Survival

  1. socialworkerangela
    08/05/2014

    Reblogged this on I Am My Own Island and commented:
    I could not have written it better. A must read if you struggle with suicidal thouhts

    Liked by 3 people

  2. glenn2point0
    08/05/2014

    Reblogged this on glenn2point0 and commented:
    A great post that accurately reflects the situation when dealing with suicidal thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. larainbriggs
    08/05/2014

    Reblogged this on larainbriggs and commented:
    ‘The most articulate writer I have ever come across regarding emotion particularly depression. This might be helpful if you suffer from depression or if you know someone who does it will help you understand.’ This is what I wrote on FB.

    I so appreciate your posts especially when feeling so isolated and desperate. You put into words exactly how I feel and I thank you for it. What you are doing is so very important and potentially life saving, you should feel very proud of what you accomplish and your amazing writing skills.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. savingmommyblog
    08/05/2014

    Reblogged this on Saving Mommy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. savingmommyblog
    08/05/2014

    Thank you for writing this.

    Like

  6. bennettsbriefings
    12/05/2014

    Reblogged this on bennettsbriefings and commented:
    A good post on what might go through your mind when depressed and suicidal thoughts come along.

    Like

  7. bennettsbriefings
    12/05/2014

    Reblogged on Bennettsbriefings. Yes – isolation is NOT a good idea during those times. I remember having to risk looking like a total idiot in front of my husband when I told him I needed him to hide the pills and the belts around the house. But I would have rather told him and looked “stupid” than to have left a husband and son behind just because my wires are crossed. Still here – Heather

    Like

  8. aeramoure
    12/05/2014

    Reblogged this on Not So Crazy Talk and commented:
    We will never want to fail, but sometimes it becomes absolutely necessary to throw ourselves to out feet and cry out for help. And that is something I would call honorable.

    Like

  9. Tara B. Kreider
    30/05/2014

    I am so glad you found me at Above the Fog, because I might not have found you! It has been a long, long time since I had thoughts like this of my own, but I did have them, and really appreciate what you shared. Your guidance is right on. Thanks again for following my blog, Above the Fog! Don’t be a stranger!

    Like

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      30/05/2014

      Thanks a lot for the kind words and the support 🙂 Glad to hear that you’re a long way from where some of us have been more recently. Good for you. It’s ALWAYS great to hear a success story.

      All the best,
      H&J

      Like

  10. Rebecca
    31/05/2014

    Very well written. You are r right. Even those severely depressed don’t want to die, they just want the pain to go away. Thank you so much for following me at faithsighanddiy.com. Depression is terrible but there is always hope. God bless.

    Like

  11. sabina ayne
    31/05/2014

    Thank you for stopping by my blog and following! I would like to follow your blog but am having trouble with my email address. I’ll keep trying!

    Like

  12. psychologistmimi
    02/06/2014

    a very honest piece!

    Liked by 1 person

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      02/06/2014

      If I’m nothing else, honest is what I try to be. Thanks for the comment!

      All the best,
      H&J

      Like

  13. biochicklet
    05/06/2014

    H&J,
    In the last 5 years I have had 5 friends and relatives end their lives. Each time I have had very different feelings about what happened. They all involved much turmoil and confusion for their loved ones. One friend and I talked very sanely about her plan before she actually carried it out. I felt that as a bipolar woman in her 60’s she had had enough. The ones that involved very painful struglges with substance abuse were the most painful. I knew that there was a solution.
    A weird post came up on Facebook this week about a “Suicide Forrest” in Japan. I watched a youtube of a man that is his job to find the bodies of the 100’s of people that go there to hang themselves. If you ever watch it I wonder if you will benefit as I did from this man’s complete respect for these people. He finds them in tents contemplating this extreme release of pain. He tells of those that change their minds and walk out. For the first time I had a real understanding of this choice. Ellen

    Liked by 2 people

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      05/06/2014

      Hi Ellen,

      Firstly thank you for taking the time to come and share this here. Secondly I’m terribly sorry to hear about so much loss.

      I’ve heard of this place and heard the stories but never seen the documentary. The Japanese have a completely different cultural idea of suicide and it’s function and I wondered how much this played into that particular convention they have.

      I don’t have any disrespect for people who kill themselves but I feel that I can hold the belief that it is wrong-thinking made real most of the time. It is everyone’s right to choose whether they live or die as far as I’m concerned, but that doesn’t mean that the decision is always taken in light of the full facts. I can remember being suicidal, I can remember ‘knowing’ that I wanted to die – In my case, as well as a few others’ I’m aware of, I never REALLY wanted to die – I just wanted the pain to stop, and my depressed mind had convinced me that death was the only way to make this happen. Suicide in my case would have been a mistake and evidence of nothing but wrong-thinking and sheer desperation.

      In an age where we are constantly re-appropriating medications to applications they are better suited for, there are always options for all but the most extreme cases of diseases like Bipolarity. I’ll defend with my life anyone’s right to choose but I will also virulently oppose the notion that suicide is the only solution to anyone’s problems unless they build an incredibly strong case. I’ve come too close to the edge personally and without a friend opposing my poor thinking I wouldn’t have the luxury and privilege of speaking to you now.

      All the best,
      H&J

      Liked by 1 person

  14. bluesage63
    05/06/2014

    Reblogged this on musings from a musical mind and commented:
    So well understand and said..thank you for sharing this,and surviving

    Liked by 1 person

  15. brm7
    06/06/2014

    Good post, thanks for visiting our blog. Psalms 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble……

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Pangeline Edwards
    08/06/2014

    A wonderful, thoughtfully piece that covers so many areas not just suicide, but depression, loneliness, and survival. The key, as you stated, is to seek help right away and not be afraid to reach out to someone. Your sharing this is helping someone right now. Thank you for coming to my blog because if you had not, I would not have found yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      08/06/2014

      Thanks a lot for taking the time to come and comment. Thanks also for the kind words!

      I told one follower in an e-mail recently that it is better to reach out and worry someone beforehand than to not reach out and aggrieve them after the fact. I stand by it.

      All the best,
      H&J

      Like

  17. millypink
    19/06/2014

    Reblogged this on Out of the Dark and commented:
    This post by The Bipolar Bum looks at why people decide to take their own life as a side effect of depression.
    Self-harm or suicide can be such an unfathomable concept to people who do not live with mental illness. Sometimes you can no longer control your thoughts and nothing seems to make sense.
    I would strongly recommend reading this no matter how much, or little you know about depression and suicide. Awareness can save lives.

    If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please seek help. A list of international suicide hotlines are provided at the end of this post.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. The Crazy Crone
    22/06/2014

    Thanks for following my blog, you are doing a great job here with your writing. I always believe that nothing happens without a purpose, so it seems to me that being drawn to Australia has led to your diagnosis, and an opening through your health challenges to be of great service to others. Take care.

    Like

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      22/06/2014

      Thanks very much for the kind words. I don’t share your belief in fate (if I read it correctly) but I’ve FOUND some purpose, however small in coming here. I REALLY hope that I can keep turning these challenges into something useful. Fingers crossed 🙂

      Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

      All the best,
      H&J

      Like

  19. sakuraandme
    23/06/2014

    Hi, just thought I would take a look at this post as the heading got my interest.
    You’ve written it well and I really enjoyed reading it. Hope you had a great weekend, hugs Paula xxx

    Like

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      23/06/2014

      Hey Paula,

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. Enjoy your weekend!

      All the best,
      H&J

      Like

  20. Domenia
    08/07/2014

    I remembering wanting to kill my self when i was manic not being able to handle myself when i could no longer control it and nothing was enough

    Liked by 2 people

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      08/07/2014

      The deadly side of (hypo)mania is rarely explored as far as I can tell. Thanks for bringing it into sharp relief here for everyone.

      All the best,
      H&J

      Liked by 2 people

  21. anonymousonetoo
    12/11/2014

    I too deal with (have dealt with) suicide to the enth degree. Here is a post I wrote on it on my blog.
    http://climbthewell.wordpress.com/2013/10/03/a-suicide-obsession-recovery-story-2/

    Like

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      23/02/2015

      Hi there,

      Thanks for sharing and sorry for the late reply on my part.

      I don’t have faith so much of the comfort you’ve found evades me but I love the idea of a gratitude list. I reckon creating and curating that list is a good way to keep afloat, I’ll be making one for sure.

      Thanks again and all the best,
      H&J

      Like

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This entry was posted on 08/05/2014 by in On Suicide, Quotes, Stable and tagged , , , , .
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