The Bipolar Bum

Backpacking and Bipolar II. Taking Manic Depression on tour.

Psychomotor Agitation

Apologies for the lack of content.  I’ve had a frustrating week.  Times like these remind me of how early in my journey I am.  This last week has been one of severe discomfort.  My second apology is for the standard of this post.  It is the nature of the beast that I doubt I’ll be able to write very clearly.

 

In the past, pre-diagnosis, I would have said that I’d had an attack of boredom and restlessness this last week.  What I used to call boredom is in fact agitation.  These aren’t different shades of the same thing.  Regardless of what I have done this last week, the sensation that things aren’t right just hasn’t left me.  I’ve felt an almost constant mental ‘itch’ on the inside of my head.  I know that in times-gone-by I would be in the grip of depression right now.  Thankfully, I’m more aware of my mental state and can remain vigilant against it provided that I notice it coming early enough.

 

Agitation born of mental illness isn’t fully endogenous.  I’ve been frustrated by a lack of progress in a few different projects, a love affair has ended and a very valuable friendship almost followed it down the sink-hole, my brother’s illness grows ever more troublesome as he continues to ignore it.  There are a great many things that are worth being upset about, but these can only build up on top of the already fully-formed landscape of irritation.

 

I’ve been unable to sit or stand still this week.  My mind races and my thoughts constantly splinter off in different directions.  I’ve sat and stared at my keyboard wanting to make this post but I’ve been unable to maintain a together enough mindset to write anything.  I’ve wanted to do nothing more than sleep and hibernate until this mental rash dissipates.  My trains of thought are constantly derailed.

 

Do you have irritating/agitating racing thoughts that render you incapable of performing simple tasks?  Do you find yourself exhausted purely by your brain working overtime, absolutely automatically?  What do you do when this agitated, energetic static cloud moves into your mind?  I’d love to hear from you.

 

All the best,

H&J

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2 comments on “Psychomotor Agitation

  1. larainbriggs
    18/04/2014

    I feel for you. It all sounds so familiar. I’m very unwell myself at the moment but with a different set of symptoms, although I think that’s all about to change as I’m having a medication overhaul by the crisis team. That itch you describe can only ever be relieved for me by creating and that has to be in a splashy, ripping up, abstract kind of way. You could try some art therapy. Art for art’s sake, forget the outcome, go in the garden and throw some paint at some paper, rip it up, stick it down, rip it again etc. until you like it or it has. turned into a wonderful sticky mess and so have you. Your neighbours might think you have finally lost the plot but maybe that itch will be relieved a little. I studied art therapy, so feel free to ask for further ideas, I have loads.. It’s often time that changes things I think but that’s the cynic in me speaking. I often wonder who I am without the drugs, would I get better anyway? It’s too dangerous to experiment with, when I’m unstable I’m prepared to let my cynic take a back seat and let the professionals do their work. I hope you feel better soon but keep in contact, it’s good to have a fellow sufferer to discuss things with. You can email me directly from my website larainbriggs.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • drheckleandmrjibe
      20/04/2014

      I’m not sure creating anything would help me when I get how I was. My brain is too scatty for me to really commit to making anything. I’d tried drawing and doing a few washes but really none of it helped. I think DESROYING something would probably have been the best I could have managed; Since everything around here is owned by someone else, and is valuable to boot – I resisted the urge. I’d have loved to have smashed a car up or broken a few windows.

      Thankfully it’s subsided by a good amount. I’m completely off caffeine and I think it has helped.

      All the best,
      H&J

      Like

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