Backpacking and Bipolar II. Taking Manic Depression on tour.
Apologies for the lack of content. I’ve had a frustrating week. Times like these remind me of how early in my journey I am. This last week has been one of severe discomfort. My second apology is for the standard of this post. It is the nature of the beast that I doubt I’ll be able to write very clearly.
In the past, pre-diagnosis, I would have said that I’d had an attack of boredom and restlessness this last week. What I used to call boredom is in fact agitation. These aren’t different shades of the same thing. Regardless of what I have done this last week, the sensation that things aren’t right just hasn’t left me. I’ve felt an almost constant mental ‘itch’ on the inside of my head. I know that in times-gone-by I would be in the grip of depression right now. Thankfully, I’m more aware of my mental state and can remain vigilant against it provided that I notice it coming early enough.
Agitation born of mental illness isn’t fully endogenous. I’ve been frustrated by a lack of progress in a few different projects, a love affair has ended and a very valuable friendship almost followed it down the sink-hole, my brother’s illness grows ever more troublesome as he continues to ignore it. There are a great many things that are worth being upset about, but these can only build up on top of the already fully-formed landscape of irritation.
I’ve been unable to sit or stand still this week. My mind races and my thoughts constantly splinter off in different directions. I’ve sat and stared at my keyboard wanting to make this post but I’ve been unable to maintain a together enough mindset to write anything. I’ve wanted to do nothing more than sleep and hibernate until this mental rash dissipates. My trains of thought are constantly derailed.
Do you have irritating/agitating racing thoughts that render you incapable of performing simple tasks? Do you find yourself exhausted purely by your brain working overtime, absolutely automatically? What do you do when this agitated, energetic static cloud moves into your mind? I’d love to hear from you.
All the best,